Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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