Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
