Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
