well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
