CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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