I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
