guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
