Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
