He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
