and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
