Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
