fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
