You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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