the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He felt like a one man threesome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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