After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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