ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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