dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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