In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
