just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
