She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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