Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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