i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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