Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
3 2 1 whiskey
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
