meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They have beer where we have blood.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize