Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
