Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
