u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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