The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
