I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
