Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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