Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
