I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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