Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
