bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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