I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
