i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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