we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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