We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
