respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
