dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
