it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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