Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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