Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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