I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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