What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
