Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize