How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
