Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
