I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
