Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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