i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
