all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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