I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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