Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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