my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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