Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
