I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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