yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
