Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
