there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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