Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
