Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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