I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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