Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
