Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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