That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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