i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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