im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize