I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
